Any proud aunt will tell you that entering the Auntie Era of life isn’t a testament that life is a wrap. It’s a testimony that we are here through the thick of it all. We made it, Beloved—albeit taking us by storm.
Today’s aunties are a long way from our beloved aunties of the late 1900s, who were railroaded into performing society’s idea of what womanhood should look like over the age of 40. She shirks old-school conventions and operates in favor of whatever the fuck she wants to—as she should. Today’s auntie is free-minded. Take a good look around—be it in real life, on television, or in virtual space—Black women, 40 years old and up, are living and looking TF GOODT while taking agency over their lives, as they very well should. Aunties are educated and ambitious; Black women have long pursued higher education at a higher rate than their Black male counterparts. Among Black students in pursuit of degrees, “64.1% of bachelor’s degrees, 71.5% master’s degrees and 65.9%” of doctoral and medical degrees are attained by Black women, respectively. Despite being paid 70 cents for every dollar a white man earns, Aunties are still getting to the bag as the “fastest growing group of entrepreneurs” and becoming homeowners more than in recent years.
We are invested in self-care, taking care of our bodies and protecting our minds. Along with drinking water and minding our business, staying moisturized and fuckboy-free.
To make it plain, #TeamAuntie is out in the world thriving; so much so, some of us have forgotten we are in our auntie era for real, not in spirit but rather age. No matter how much nam-myoho-renge-kyo we might manifest, some things in life will inevitably shift.
Some shit is just out of our control.
And while the AUNTIE era is empowering and filled with all the things, it is also chocked full of surprises. Here are seven moments that will let you know you are an auntie for real
Started Getting AARP Membership Offers
The American Association of Retired Persons (AARP) thinks 48 is old. It ain’t that old, dammit. At least that’s what you’ve reminded yourself over the past few years. The first time an advertisement from AARP landed in my mailbox, it was addressed to the former owner. So, I politely wrote “return to sender” across that shit, for the mailman to return to sender. The second time around, it was addressed to “Current Resident,” so I considered that shit junk mail, for real. The third time an AARP mailer hit my mailbox, it was directly addressed to me with a birthday shoutout. Fuck you, AARP, for real.
Doctors Started Handing Out Colonoscopy Referrals
During an annual checkup, the general practitioner suggested a colonoscopy. During a pap exam, the gynecologist encouraged a colonoscopy. At an appointment for an eczema flare-up, the dermatologist asked for the date of the last colonoscopy. At a routine eye exam, the optometrist reminded me it was time for a colonoscopy. The dentist recommended a colonoscopy during a teeth cleaning because I reached “the age of screening.” While getting a mani-pedi, the nail tech asked if I ever had a colonoscopy. The cashier at the supermarket shared that 45-years-old is the typical starting age for a colonoscopy and that roughly 150,000 people are diagnosed with colon cancer. About ⅓ will succumb to the disease, according to the American Cancer Society, and a colonoscopy screening is by far one of the only examinations that can prevent colon cancer from developing. Aunties need colonoscopies. Make sure you’re up-to-date with screenings.
“As Seen On TV” Products Started To Make Sense
The disregard for “As Seen On TV” swiftly changed. Once upon a time, “As Seen On TV” products, which mostly aired in the wee hours of the morning, were a running joke among many peer groups. Like, do Scrub Daddy sponges work any better than sponges from the dollar store? Are ShamWow towels the best towels that ever toweled? But nowadays, that Grab It shelf-reacher thingy seems necessary. Let’s not even talk about the Scrubtastic. You know, the spongy with a stick attached to it, so you can clean the bathtub and reach difficult spots without throwing out your goddamn back. Yeah, these awful product ideas now come in handy AF.
Going Out After 10 PM Started To Make No Sense
This AUNTIE right here wakes up at 5:30 AM on the daily. If you’re an auntie like me, your schedule is full, regimented, and not always flexible. The day is filled with work, running errands, doing chores and cooking meals. By 5:30 PM, that ass is tapped TF out, for real. Those one-hour Disco naps no longer work. Recovering from the day to get it together for the night is just not that appealing—not when couch surfing and bed rotting brings joy. If it ain’t a day party, I don’t want. Count Auntie out, for real.
Cruises Became The Preferred Way To Vacay
Once upon a time, you wanted to experience the world as a nomad, ripping and racing across the continents, squeezing in all the experiences. A vacation wasn’t complete without Jet skiing, snorkeling, hiking, zip lining, driving an ATV, horseback riding, and touring every corner of a city. Nope. Not anymore. Now, it’s the Carnival cruise—also known as the lit-ass hotel on the ocean— to wherever. These vacation days, you wanna lay your ass down on the party deck—after doing the Electric Slide— to people-watch the people who don’t know how to do the Cupid Shuffle or the Wobble. On a cruise, you can eat, drink, gamble, exercise and party all in one spot. You are an Auntie, for real.
Your Period Went Ghost
After an almost 34-year courtship, your period just up and left. Perhaps you missed the tell-tell signs that the relationship was coming to an end, which were likely using fewer pads, hot flashes, and changing moods. Nonetheless, you were dumped and more than happy to be out of that situationship. However, when the kewchie doctor confirmed it was all a result of menopause, she also confirmed life as you now know it is in a perpetual Auntie season. Shit got real.
Your Siblings Became Parents
Your mama’s son and your daddy’s daughter, also known as your siblings, became proud parents at some point or another, thus making you an AUNTIE into perpetuity, for real.
RELATED CONTENT: Tracee Ellis Ross Demands Respect For ‘Childless’ Aunties