Love Is Blind is a Netflix show where marriage-minded singles participate in a “social experiment” where they date potential love interests in “pods” where they cannot see each other. If they connect, they agree to get married, although they’ve never seen each other. After they meet in person, the newly engaged couples are whisked away on a vacation where they interact with each other and the other couples. They then move into a shared apartment to taste married life. At the end of the season, the couples meet at the altar, where they either say “ I do” or “I don’t.”
Although we’ve collectively swooned at past love connections, most fast-tracked relationships end in disaster. This was certainly the case for Monica Davis and Stephen Richardson, who appeared in season 7 of the hit show.
The couple’s whirlwind romance ended abruptly when Stephen was caught sending spicy text messages to another woman. The internet rallied behind Monica, devastated by her man’s betrayal. Especially after she agreed to be his “sugar mama” after he lost his job. Fans cheered when Monica told her ex to reimburse her expeditiously for carrying his weight.
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However, Monica does bear some responsibility for what happened to her.
I have grown to hate the word “accountability.” Because often, it’s used as a tactic to remove all empathy while placing all the blame and shame on women when they are victimized in love. But two things can be accurate at the same time; while nobody deserves to be treated like shit, we have to take responsibility for what we allow in our lives.
On the surface, Monica appears to be an intelligent, successful, polished woman who makes well-thought-out decisions. But when Stephen began mixing a heap of word salad in the pods, Monica quickly ate it up.
While watching the show, I was deeply irked by the 37-year-old’s passiveness. I wanted to reach into my television screen and snatch the rose-colored glasses off her eyes. Until I realized that I was so annoyed with Monica because I saw my former self in her. I was once cloaked in the same robe of hopeful delusion. As a woman, especially a Black woman, in this society, it’s hard not to be.
Singlehood, for some, is a scarlet letter that garners jokes about dying alone in a harem of cats. It means uncomfortable questions from family members at holiday dinners. It means being viewed as flawed because you haven’t been wifed-up. It means that your empty wedding right finger overshadows all of your accomplishments.
A single woman may fall victim to other women who weaponize their marital status to establish their superiority. All of this can take a toll on one’s self-esteem and mental health. The desire to adhere to these unrealistic societal pressures may lead some women to take drastic measures to get into the” prestigious” wife club. I empathize with Monica, but we still have to call a spade a spade.
Let’s recap their short-lived relationship, shall we?
Steven was a talker, but often, he said nothing. Although she found his incessant chatting endearing in the pods, it gave her minimal opportunity to ask important questions.
Steven immediately made himself the victim when he admitted to “flirting with intention” while in his last relationship; instead of taking accountability, he justified it by saying that he had also been cheated on “several times” in other relationships. Monica coddled him by telling him that he’s “too hard on himself”—although he wasn’t hard on himself at all.
She also admitted that she had been cheated on in the past, but she “found a path to forgiveness, “ which essentially let Stephen know she is likely to give him a pass if he plays in her face.
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Monica compared Steven to her father, calling them the most remarkable men she’s ever met. It’s not abnormal for a daughter to put her father on a pedestal, but it is abnormal AF to put a man she met five days ago on that same pedestal.
Sis’ rose-colored glasses began to fade when they went on the couple’s retreat in Cabo San Lucas. Stephen’s chattiness, which was once cute to her, started to get on her nerves. She realized that she was unable to get a word in edgewise. When Monica addressed it, her fiance giggled like a schoolboy, displaying his unwillingness to take her concerns seriously. But she continued to press on.
Stephen found a way to bring sex into every conversation. Regardless of the topic’s seriousness, the 33-year-old would insert a lewd joke, which made Monica uncomfortable. Often shit got weird—like when he talked about men sticking their penises into objects and food. He also disrespected her sexual boundaries, claiming that his repeated attempts at butt play were “accidents.” Also, there’s a word for putting your penis in places without consent.
Stephen stunned his fellow Love Is Blind castmates when he said that there are going to be a ton of women in their DM’s waiting to “suck their dicks” after the show airs. This indicates that Homeboy did not come on this show for the right reasons. Although he embarrassed her before their castmates, Monica stood by her man-child.
While spitting game in the pods, Stephen claimed to be the type of guy who “buys flowers” for his woman. But when they got into the real world, no flowers ever materialized. When Monica asked why she hadn’t received any hydrangeas, Stephen said he used flowers as a “concept.” Sir, what?
6. Monica: You said you buy me flowers when we were in the pods
Stephen: I was using it as a concept 💀💀💀💀
Also I’ve never seen a man more DISINTERESTED in what a woman is saying than Stephen 💀 #LoveIsBlind7 #LoveIsBlind . pic.twitter.com/OgtvHjaBCj
— BUCAKAROO★BAMBII🤠🐝 🇵🇸 (@Bambi_Eyess) October 11, 2024
Monica explained that receiving gifts was a part of her love language. Stephen made this about himself by saying that he didn’t receive gifts as a child. This faux trauma dump seemed to be a tactic to get her to accept less than the bare minimum.
Stephen was fired from his job. He said he knew it would be a “strong possibility” that he would lose his job if he came on this show. This is irresponsible behavior from someone who claims he wants to take a wife. But instead of questioning why he didn’t have savings, Monica immediately jumped into mommy mode by telling him she would be his “sugar mama” and pick up the slack until he found another job.
To my delight, Monica’s rose-colored glasses were finally snatched off when she caught her sugar baby sending lewd texts to another woman; judging from their previous conversations, it seemed like he was preparing her for this very thing. He probably thought he could manipulate his way back into her good graces, but Sis wasn’t having it, and we love that for her.
I’ve been in Monica’s shoes. I’ve accepted crumbs when I knew I deserved more. I’ve forgiven the unforgivable. I’ve gaslighted myself into believing things that I knew deep down were bullshit.
I’ve extended myself past my capacity to prove I was worthy. I’ve been Barbara The Builder; I’ve attempted to uplift a man who was, quite frankly, beneath me. My only rewards for being a “good woman” were consistent humiliation, debilitating stress, and getting stomped on like the doormat I was.
My healing came with taking responsibility for my role in my victimization. Once I could unpack my reasons for allowing such chaos into my life, I could hold myself accountable while giving myself the compassion I deserved. I have that same compassion for Monica. I have encountered countless women who have left long-term relationships or marriages after years of unhappiness. Many women have also shared that societal pressures and stigmas kept them enduring far more than they should have for far too long.
If you go to any baddie’s Instagram page, you’re likely to find a nobody in her comment section trying to insult her by telling her that she doesn’t have a man, can’t keep a man, or she’s going to die alone. I’m here to tell you that all of that is bullshit.
I’m not suggesting that you should not desire or pursue love, but it should not be the center of your universe. By decentering romantic partnerships, you have the time and energy to focus on your goals, friendships, family, and many other things that bring you joy. I would argue that it also helps one to make more sound decisions, which may lead to healthier romantic partnerships.
I wish Love Is Blind’s ladies, Monica and every woman who desires it, a healthy, happy, loving and compatible partner. However, I pray all the Monicas of the world know that even if they leave this earth having never changed their last name, they can live a happy, whole, valuable, and fulfilling life.
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