These negros don’t want to get to know you. They want to humble you.
A dating show titled Pop The Balloon Or Find Love, is making rounds on YouTube. In the vein of shows like Flavor Of Love and The Bachelor men and women make a spectacle of themselves in the name of seeking a love connection. Unlike these shows, Pop The Balloon or Find Love does not give candidates weeks to bond or get to know each other. The decision process is near immediate.
The premise of the show is as simple as the title indicates. Women walk into a room and are assessed by varying types of men, from their early 20s to late 30s. A Q & A styled, dialogue is held with the men on their assessment of the participating woman. The process is telling.
While some men are cordial toward the women, sharing their Yay or Nay, others are insufferable, insulting, egotistical and judgmental. Their actions towards the female candidates make a few things about men abundantly clear: men are not looking for partners to grow with. Men want women they can change.
Take for instance the candidate Kalda.
When Kalda begins the process, several men pop their balloons indicating disinterest immediately. These men state they prefer a thicker woman. They are polite and keep it cute. One potential suitor has no qualms with her size stating he can “build that ass up,’ since he is a personal trainer.
He shares that Kalda’s nails are a barrier to dating. He is looking for a wife and does not believe a potential wife can have long nails. It’s a ridiculous assertion that reeks of stereotypical misogynoir. At this point, Kalda has barely talked about her likes, dislikes, personality or goals. He, like the others, don’t know her. He knows that her nails disqualify her. Which is ridiculous.
Even more disturbing/foolish/ etc is the judgment of the next suitor. This potential is, according to him, a doctor. Dr. Elam is the most insufferable of them all. He is a 38-year-old man who should not be in this room. It’s apparent when he verbally attacks Kalda’s character.
“ I popped my balloon after listening to you. I think humility and integrity is something that takes a lot of work to acquire and I don’t think you’ve done that work.”
Her response: “OK.”
Kalda is a woman over 30 years of age, who seems to accept and recognize a man who is not for her. She isn’t fighting for his attention, approval or time. Because of this, Dr. Elam continues to disparage, calling her “self-centered,” and saying she is unwell, even asking “have you had therapy?” Dr. Elam has determined that her confidence and quick acceptance of rejection are tell-tale signs that she cannot be shamed into submission. His concern is as false as his interest in actually finding love. He proves as much with the next candidate, Kayla.
Kayla is a 22-year-old woman who when asked what she is looking for in a man responds, “I don’t know.”
Dr. Elam does not immediately pop his balloon. According to him, it’s clear that Kayla, being a young woman of college age, “has not done the work” to decide what type of future partner she would like. That’s more than fine. At that point, if Dr. Elam was as well put together and knowledgeable about what makes a good partner then surely his near 40-year-old self would have jumped ship at this point. He doesn’t.
This alone lets you know he is not looking for a good partner, he is looking for someone he can change, mold and humble. He eventually pops his balloon when Kayla states one of the traits she likes in men.
“I want my man to be submissive,” she says.
That’s enough for him, though, being just a couple of years out of her parent’s house is not a deal-breaker. Kayla being college age while the good doctor is nearing middle age is not a problem. And why is that?
It seems for him those traits may be admirable. Those traits aid in the idea she is impressionable. The Idea that she wants a man to submit to her as she submits to him dashes all notions and leads to Dr. Elam’s rejection of Kayla.
His arrogance is egregious and quite frankly gross. While he continues his passive aggressive behavior toward the women, the cohort of men in line snicker. They are beyond amused to hear his assessment and takedown of the young women. Dr. Elam has set himself up as the voice of common sense, masculinity, resident humbler and humiliator and the rest of the men are here for it. The Dr. Elam’s of the world don’t want a partner. They want a yes-woman—Pickme. They want a ‘whatever you say’ woman. I’m sure many of these types of women exist. These men, Dr. Elam specifically, should go and find one.
These men don’t believe their own hype, they hope women believe it. Men don’t want a true partner, they want Playdoh partners that can be molded into a woman who fits their specific needs and when they can’t do that they want to humble you.
Aunties, be mindful of the red flags. Dr. Elam has publicly proven himself as a well-educated fuckboy. The rest of these dudes are hiding in plain sight.
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